What does self-care look like really?
What is Self-Care really? I used to think it was about buying my favorite bath bomb from lush, a bomb ass bottle of my favorite wine and having a netflix&chill night with lil ole me!! But as I have been on a journey towards activating my authentic power (S/o to Gary Zucav, if you haven’t picked up The Seat of the Soul yet, PLEASEE DOO), I have come to realize my self-care doesn’t look quite the same as others.
It’s about checking in with yourself, coming back to the present moment and being mindful of what is occurring right NOW. You know, not stressing about whats happening tomorrow, or how you will accomplish that huge ass project at work that you got dumped on you. Take this time to POUR into YOU, build up that creative, abundant and sexual energy so you can really flourish and tackle whatever comes your way sis.
But after last Thursday night, I realized that it’s way more than a check-in with yourself. Self-care is really choosing yourself FIRST and then everyone else. I was able to see an amazing woman whom I consider a big sis and mentor at this event curated by Women for Women called Resistance Rises. It was a panel event where women from the DMV area are leading the resistance movement and standing firmly in their truths and powers. If this was years ago, I would not have gone to an event like this by myself. But today the woman I am vows to constantly show up for herself when things align with my beliefs and there was no way I was missing this event. It was held at “The Line Hotel” in Washington, DC. Such a beautiful establishment, I will say so myself. The panel discussion was full of so many damn gems dropped & finger snapping moments 💁🏾♀️. The theme was based around the hit Amazon Prime Video, The Man In the High Castle which has so many underlying themes of resistance in the characters and the storyline. This event focused on how important it is for us to get out & VOTE, November 6, 2018. The goal of this event was to encourage women to stand in their POWER, go out & “SHAKE SHIT UP!”
When I got there, myself and another resilient woman were lost AF lol! But we both just followed each other to get to where we needed to go. As soon as you walked up you were greeted and you instantly felt welcomed (My type of event honey!!). There were flowers, lighting, an open bar with cute ass event themed drinks and stirrers that said “#ResistanceRising.” How fucking EMPOWERING is that, huh?
Ok, let me get to the point of this convo. I didn’t expect to get to talk to big sis until the end, but ironically I ran into her at the bar as I went to go get drink #2? Anyways, it just felt good to see her because she knows how to pull things out of me I probably wouldn’t share with too many people. She has been such a light for so many women, including myself. Showing us we can be resilient, sharing our voices through writing and building a community. I appreciate & love you sis!
This event reminded me that as women we sacrifice so much and downplay ourselves to mold into what others feel we should be it tears us down. We should never have to apologize for having an opinion and saying what we honestly feel. I want to be one of the ones who breaks this cycle for my friends, loved ones and women I meet on a daily basis. Unfortunately, too many times we see this and witness our friends and loved ones falling victim to depression, when on the outside it seems like they have everything they could ever want and more.
This really brought to surface so much! I do not want to fall victim and resent what I love doing the absolute most. Living everyday as a Healer. Taking care of myself and choosing ME FIRST. As a token of my love, here are the top takeaways from the event and also some ways I make sure I choose ME first:
Resistance Rises Gems Dropped
Sisterhood is showing UP - get off the internet, get into YOUR sister circle & community
Advocacy looks like saying what you need right in the moment
“The changes that I’m making, glory to god you’re going to benefit from them, but they’re for ME”-Brittany Packnett
Being intentional & showing up for those right in front of me. Before lending myself to a fight outside my home. “Sorry not Sorry”
You have choices, they may not always be large scale but you do. If all you have is %50 to give me, I need that full %50
Women are uncomfortable with expressing their feelings & truths (we will visit this later)
“Showing up as my whole self, and being on my best behavior, and sharing my truth is the lesson, and whoever receives that can take it and do with what they will.”-Alex Elle
Practice creates ritual
”A lot of the time choosing yourself is almost a last resort.” - Randi Gloss
”Before you look into your community, look into yourself. Write in your journal. Self advocacy is filling out what do I need today? It’s vocalizing what you need, when you need it.”- Randi Gloss
Verbalizing what you NEED
”Self-choosing is HARD. The hard work is what we don’t want to do. A lot of people are looking for the why and not the HOW? And the how is SHOWING UP! Self choosing has to be the goal. You are allowed to choose yourself without guilt, shame or second guessing.”- Alex Elle
Boundaries NOT Barriers
Delegation IS Self-Care
Releasing the guilt of “should” -> the “should” complex
”Be mindful of your homegirls that are not checking in on you every week and asking if you’re okay.”-Randi Gloss
Choosing ME looks like:
Taking breaks from the internet. Especially when I feel myself lowkey comparing my journey to others. What’s meant for them, most likely is NOT meant for me.
Acknowledging lingering traumas and disconnections currently in my life.. Be honest with yourself.. It sucks but this leads to healing.
Putting in place Boundaries & Limits in my relationships with Self and others
Knowing when I am spreading myself too thin. Time to step back. Re-evaluate
Working on my communication sector. If I cannot communicate what I need & want… how will I receive it?
Constant check-ins with my heart and spirit.
Asking for HELP. It doesn’t make you weak or less than. As a matter of fact, it will only make you stronger
Knowing what relationships and situations do not serve me. Letting people and things GO
Journaling, Prayer, Meditation, Grounding, Silence
Holding Space for my Healing Tribe (s/o to you all!!)
Standing firmly in my truth & power
Working on recognizing my worth; in business and personal life
Doing what the fuck I want.
Loving UP on me, me, me
Saying “NO” when I really do not want to do something. Not feeling guilty about it
Checking myself, when I’ve made a silly decision
Stopping any thoughts of doubt, uneasiness, negativity, self-sabotage, anger, bitterness before they try to rule me
Being Kind & showing Grace for myself…
Those are just some of the ways I choose ME FIRST… Life is too damn short to try to impress people and be someone who you know damn well you do not want to be. Take care of yourself love… I promise it’s the best thing you could ever do. Everything else will fall into place.
Let go & trust that Source & the Universe got your back. Shit, I got your back.