Healers need Healing... too.
June 1, 2019/27 hours/1 day in Qatar/Bali, Indonesia final destination.
I never knew a solo trip across the world would trigger me in so many ways. No phone, no texts, no calls, no social media, NOTHING. Just detaching & literally “BEING” in every single moment. I barely have pictures, I literally forgot about my phone other than moments to set my alarm and send an occasional text to my mother & little brother.
It took me 2 days to make it to Bali/Denpasar, Indonesia. The week before I didn’t even know how I was getting there (BUT GOD knew. and a way was def made.) This is what life is majority of the time, uncertainty and the unknown. Or realizing that in your first year of true entrepreneurship you are indeed still LOST. I decided to go on this yoga retreat a year ago after sitting in on a webinar of a yoga instructor who I’ve been following for some years and connected to in so many ways. This was my gift to ME for stepping out of my comfort zone and taking one of the biggest leaps of faith in my life… also a late birthday gift.
Being in the yoga world or some sort of wellness, attending yoga retreats and festivals are the ‘cool things’ to participate in, but most of these events are so expensive and aren’t really the experience you really expect them to be. Just photo opportunities and the ability to say “I did yoga off the coast of the ocean in Athens, or somewhere photo perfect. Do these retreats really leave you with a life changing experience or just another dent in your wallet? If I was going to invest in a retreat I wanted it to be one that would change my life or light the fire under my ass…. But I knew this one would be different. Not only was it affordable, but I just felt pulled towards it for so many reasons… I just didn’t know it would trigger me in so many ways. Leading up to my trip I was anxious, anticipating so many things. My family was draining me honestly, due to fears of the UNKNOWN. Literally. I just knew I HAD to make this trip though, on my own for my own good. Traveling to a foreign country you only hear about over the news and other outlets can lead the mind to travel in so many directions. I wasn’t fearful, I was curious more than anything. It wasn’t like I could call anyone to scoop me if there was any type of issue. I was the minority and a language barrier was definitely present. The theme of the first leg of this journey: patience. What’s crazy is my life altered 3 different ways before the trip even started…
The first leg of my flight led me to Doha, Qatar, where I got to spend the day because my flight was delayed leaving Dulles (s/o to Qatar Airlines for the bomb ass customer service). My airline rescheduled my flight (in mid-air, put me in a 5-star hotel & gave me a money voucher) yes I felt in my bag lmaoo… but no I got to experience a a beautiful Muslim country in the middle of Ramadan. So I ended up having to fast basically until dusk as well. Not a bad experience at all. It was just so amazing to me to see a country you’re unconsciously trained to think is filled with turmoil and war amongst other things, but was so beautiful and quiet. There weren’t even any police in the airport with weapons. lol I was shook. No guns or anything. In order to walk in the hotel you had to step through a metal detector. The people were so nice and welcoming. I felt more spoiled than anything.
That night I headed back to the airport to catch my second flight to Bali. Which was smooth and comfy. When I finally made it to Bali and checked into my hotel, my brother called me to tell me one of our close friends was in a bad accident and I instantly felt emotions of guilt and confusion. Guilt, because I wasn’t home to be there physically to comfort my brother and also because my friend and I are usually on mixed terms. Idk, but I do know that night started a string of triggers for me…
What’s crazy is that as an individual in wellness and healing, I unconsciously hold myself to this standard that I need to always be “OK”. When in reality that isn’t how life works. I am not perfect, nor do I have all my shit entirely in order. Everyday is a journey for me and 6 months ago, shit began to hit the fan for me. Actually, more like 9 months ago… From emotions of guilt, worry, fear, anger, bitterness, confusion, angst, mild depression, loss, uncertainty, you name it and it was me. So many people see me and are always like “oh you are so happy, etc etc..” but I always say, “I will never look like what I am going through and you would not know unless I told you.” God has a funny way of putting you in places at the right time to come to terms and face your triggers. I’m going to share it all with you over the next week or so…
I had to sit and really take my advice you know. If you’ve ever taken one of my classes you heard me say these words at the end of class:
HAVE GRACE FOR self
CHECK IN ON self
It was this journey to Bali that made me realize I wasn’t doing any of these things & I had to figure out how to start following my own advice. One of my favorite Meditation Teachers, Light Watkins said, “Meditation is a marathon. Be kind and gentle to yourself. You still have room to grow…” My life, my transformation & growth is apart of that Marathon as well… I am ready to share this journey to heal with you all. So if you are ready for this ride, be sure to grab your seat now..